New Year's Eve!!!

Wow, I can't even believe that it's the last day of 2009! Where has the last decade gone?! I am happy to say that my New Year's resolution won't be to join a gym...already done that! I think my resolution is that I want to take better care of myself. I am a mother of 4 children and I am always taking care of them. Making sure they eat healthy, don't watch too much t.v., get outside to play, take a regular bath...now I want to do that for myself. I think most mom's don't do it because it's like having another child to take care of...it's one more thing we have to do. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been walking around like a slob or anything, but I have grown a little lax.
I am feeling happier and stronger everyday. I am so sore today and I love that feeling. It means all of my hard work is paying off. Tonight we are having a party and I am cooking the biggest Turkey I have ever seen! Yummy Protein! I have been doing so good on my eating, even my husband has been surprised! I am excited for a new year...the only thing I hate is that my children are going to be a year older! I love them at these ages and wish I could hold on to these years forever. I love my children very much and would do anything for them. I hope they can grow into strong women who can love themselves for who they are. I need to be a better example to them. That is my main motivation for losing weight, is so I can be a better mother and show my girl's that anything is possible!
Goal for today: -Don't go crazy with all of the "to do's" on my list. Enjoy the day with all of my family at home!

Discovery

I have discovered that Papa Murphy's pizza is the Devil!!!! I just can't get enough of their deLite Chicken Mediteranian Herb Pizza...with it's olive oil, chicken, sun-dried tomatoes, and spinach....except that it keeps making me feel so sick! Don't worry, I threw the rest of it away this morning because I don't want to be sick for a 3rd night in a row! I made up for my transgressions of eating two pieces for lunch yesterday by skipping dinner. Now that it is gone, I can move forward with today in peace and harmony!
Goals for the day: -Gym(check that off, I already hit it hard this morning! I was sweating like a pig!) - No pitzels!(a delicious italian cookie that my grandmother made for me) -put all the laundry away -Take a nap and rest - Let the kids go play out in the snow

p.s. just incase you were wondering, my goals are actually getting accomplished each day and the goals for the day are really helping me. This morning my trainer told me that he can tell I am starting to thin out....hopefully the scale agrees with him this week!!!

Bad Habits

Well, I was all pumped to do good yesterday, and I did, but I have realized that bad habits are hard to kill! I instantly went to dive into a tin of butter cookies that we got for Christmas and two cookies into it, I threw them away. I also ate one too many pieces of my deLite pizza last night and I thought I was going to throw up! I was so sick all night! The upside is that I am learning that it's not worth it, and my body is helping me realize it even faster! I am starting to get full off of less food, which is a great sign. I was so super busy yesterday and it felt great. BUT because I was so sick last night I ended up sleeping in this morning and I missed the gym. I am so sore from working with my p.t. yesterday, so I think today will be a stretch and play the Wii day. I am determined to eat good today and not slip back into bad habits just because I am home.
Goals for today: -Take A Nap!!! -stretch - play the Wii with my hubby -have fun with my kids today!

Back and ready to Roll!

Well, I am back and I can say that I survived our trip! I found a Rec. Center and went to work out while I was gone and I resisted so many treats and junk that came my way. I was so surprised at how easy it was to say no. I did let myself have a few, but nothing compared to what I normally would have eaten. I ate more salad and chicken than I have in a long time. My trainer told me the average weight gain over the holidays is 8 lbs. I can tell you that I actually lost weight this week! Only 1 lb. but it's better than gaining 8! I am feeling really great and I hope I can make it through New Year's. I am having a big New Year's Eve party and I think I'll cook a turkey so I have some good protein to eat,mmmmmm, with a big Caesar Salad! I discovered a delicious Lite dressing that I can use and ofcourse, I will be hitting the gym every day. The kids are home this week and today we have a TON of cleaning to do. I better get started while they are sleeping. So, Here are my goals for today:
-Gym -Scriptures -Laundry -Cleaning out toy room -Take kids to a movie -Clean the bathrooms

Ridiculous!

Okay, this is ridiculous! I have been with my P.T. for 5 weeks and I have not dropped one pound! I went in late today, on accident, and I ended up just talking with him to see what I can do. He suggested that I really stay on my food journal and try to eat a 2:1 ratio with my protein and carbs. Do you know how hard that is??? With 2 protein shakes and 2 protein bars a day, I am at best 1.7:1 . So, I am coming to my faithful readers for suggestions. Do you know a better protein bar I can try? What are some really good sources of protein with little carbs? Give me some recipes, ANYTHING that can help me reach this goal. It's going to be hard with Christmas this week, but I have to do it. I am sick of staying the same! Help!!!!

p.s. tomorrow will be the last time I write until after christmas. We are leaving tomorrow for the rest of the week. Merry Christmas!

TGIF

Hurray for friday! I bought an extra session with my P.T. so I actually had to go to the gym this morning and I feel great. Yesterday turned out to be an okay day. I did good until dinner. My husband thought the pork chops I was planning to cook have been in the fridge for too long (he is so paranoid about meat going bad), so he came home with pizza instead. Thank you honey for thinking of our well-being, but the pizza did me in! I actually got all of my christmas baking done, but I still haven't wrapped any presents. I keep putting it off. I will probably get it done on Sunday during my kids 2 hour nap that they usually take. SO.......
Goals for today: Gym, Shower, Finish Christmas shopping, clean house (my mother-in-law is coming), and tonight I will have the house to myself for a while, so I am going to get all of my dance stuff together for tomorrow so I will be completely prepared. I am a little nervous about my dance show, but I have done all I can do. It's up to the kids now. Oh, and last goal, NO SWEETS!

Thursday...dun dun Dun!!!!

Why are Thursdays always such a hard day for me? I think it's because it's a turning day. It's the day that decides if I have a good weekend or a bad weekend. If I eat good and exercise on Thursday, I can guarnatee I will do good over the weekend. BUT, if I do bad, the rest of the weekend is a bust!
I haven't been going to the gym on Thursdays lately. Not that I don't want to, but something else usually ends up happening. Last week I got up to go and ended up starting my laundry instead. This morning, my hubby and I ended up talking in bed. It's like Thurday mornings end up being mine. I can do anything I want before the kids get up. I do feel a little guilty staying home, but then after I get so much done, I am grateful for my Thursday mornings. So, as I start my day today I am determined to make it a good Thursday! I have plenty to do to keep me busy. Todays Goals:
- Do my Wii Fit...I still need to exercise
- Read Scriptures
- Do laundry and actually fold it!
- Make christmas treats for neighbors and friends
I know the last one sounds dangerous, but I am only making poppy seed muffins, so the worst that could happen is that I eat one. I am taking the kids to see Santa tonight, I have to make my kids practice their dances,I have to go to Sears, we have to do two houses tonight for our twelve days of Christmas since we missed last night, and I have a choir practice tonight. AND I need to start wrapping christmas presents! I have a lot to do today! I better get busy!

A new day!

Hello world! I am here and I'm happy and feeling good! I did so great yesterday and I am always happy when I do that! I had a big lunch, so I had a delicious blueberry smoothie last night for dinner and I hit the hay at 8:30! Ridiculous I know, but I was falling asleep on the way home from Walmart last night, so Kyle made me go to bed. Sorry honey, today I will get to that nap.
I worked with Rote today (that's the name of my p.t.) and then 30 minutes on the E.T. I am sore but feeling good.
Goals for today: Gym, Scriptures, NAP, eat light because we have a dinner to go to tonight, and wrap christmas presents.

Yesterday

Okay, yesterday I was so busy! I went shopping in the morning, lunch, more shopping, I crashed on the couch for an hour, dinner, FHE, took Kyle to his office to get some papers, put kids to bed, movie with my hubby, asleep on the couch at 11! I didn't even have time to think about eating!
Today probably won't be as busy, but it already feels like it is. I have already been to the gym and to Walmart this morning! I have to take the kids to school and then go look at Kyle's christmas gift that I want to get him. I teach dance today and have a r.s meeting tonight.
Goal for today: Gym
No Sweets
Scriptures
NAP!

Jenna

Jenna is my sister-in-law. What would I do without her?! She is my faithful reader and commentor and is always so supportive. Thank you Jenna for being there for me...even though you live so far away!
Okay people. Last night I went back to the beginning of my blog and I read my old posts. They were so full of optimism! So full of positive feelings! I have forgotten that I made a vow of no sweets for a year and that I would blog everyday. I have lost my purpose for this blog and I need to get back on track. SO, I have decided to make a new vow....a vow for the day, since that is the farthest I can promise right now...
Today's vow: No sweets..Go to the gym..read my scriptures..and do my Wii Fit for 1/2 an hour.

I already hit the gym today, so check that off the list. I am just going to focus on today and make it through each day one at a time. I am worth it and I want to be happy.

Thanks Jenna for always reminding me of that!

Waaahhh!

I have had a crappy weekend! Man, I hate this. I haven't been writing as much because I have been feeling so guilty. Once again, I do so good the first part of the week, but once Thursday comes....I'm doomed. This week I didn't even make it to the gym on Thursday or Friday! Then Kyle made brownies and bought ice cream.....I was doomed again!!! I don't even want to weigh in tomorrow. I am so sick of doing this and doing this and doing this. You know the movie Ground Hogs Day?? That is how my week is...I end up doing the same thing over and over. It makes me so mad at myself!!! I work so hard and then I eat crap and ruin everything!
You know, I really think I am like a drug addict. I am so addicted to it, but I know that it is bad for me and not worth it. I keep telling Kyle that I need 24 hour supervision for a while, but there isn't anyone to help me. I miss my mom being able to come stay for a month or just to be able to call her. I really need help and I don't know what to do. Now I have to see my mother in just over a week and I'm still going to be fat and that's all I'm going to hear about and how I am just not trying hard enough and blah, blah, blah! What am I going to do? Anyone?

Today

Well, I didn't make it to the gym this morning, but I actually enjoyed having the morning to myself at home. I read my scriptures in peace and started laundry. It was really nice. I am super sore from my trainer and I feel like I am doing good. We'll see what the scale says next Monday. I just have to keep it up this weekend. This is a short post today. I have a lot to do.

weigh in...sorry

Sorry this is late, but I told you I knew what it would be...174. It's ridiculous! BUT I had a bad week with Thanksgiving, so I should be happy I stayed the same. Also, I am newly motivated by the opportunity of a half marathon in May! Kyle thinks I am nuts, but I have always wanted to do it. I know I can't do a whole one, so I think I am going to start working towards the half one in Ogden on May 15. That gives me 6 months. I tried running this morning and I ran 2 miles in 30 minutes! WAYYY bad, but considering I walked most of it AND it's been over 5 years since I ran last, I think it went okay. This month will be getting up to 2 miles without stopping...we are really going to have to see about this and I am still scared to register, but I also can't stop thinking about the last episode of Biggest Loser that I watched. It was a "where are they now" episode and a whole group of past contestants ran a half marathon and this big lady, who is still big ran it and finished. I think if she can do it, so can I! Anyone want to train with me???!!!!

Doom's Day

Tomorrow is my new weigh in day, since weighing in on Sundays just made me too depressed to go to church. Anyway, I've been doing good. I made it to the gym 4 out of 5 days, and the 1 day i didn't go was because the day before I had worked with my P.T. , spent the rest of the day lifting heavy objects and cleaning a resaraunt, I taught dance, and by the time I went to choir practice that night, I thought I was going to faint! I was exhausted! There was no way I was going to get up and make it to the gym the next morning.
Tomorrow I weigh in, work with my P.T., go over my food journal with him for the first time (I realized I ate a lot of spaghetti this week) and then I have to bake and cook like a mad lady. I am making all of our neighbors and friends my yummy poppy-seed cake for christmas and my neighbor is having surgery, so I am making them a lasagna to put in their freezer. If I am making one for them, I need to make one for us too. Kyle loves lasagna. I will report my weigh in tomorrow, but I can already tell you it is going to be the same...stupid 174. I think I'll drink a lot of water tonight, so I can "cleanse" in the morning!

Accomplishments

Here are my accomplishments for the day:
-went to the gym and killed myself with my p.t.....holy crap! I thought I was going to die!
-I have eaten really well and kept my food journal
-BIGGEST one*** I refused Oreo cookies and milk!!!! They are such a weakness for me and I said NO!! I feel good. Every little accomplishment will help me make it to my goal.

I know that I have been stuck in a rut lately. I've been doing the exercising but my eating has sucked and that doesn't help me lose anything. My main goal right now is two pounds a week and that means I will lose 8 pounds by the time I see my mother. Keep your fingers crossed!!

Better

Okay, I am feeling better today. It's amazing how bad I feel when I don't workout. It makes such a difference. I wasn't able to exercise while Kyle was gone and today I hit the gym, bought 8 sessions with my p.t., and I am feeling so much happier and motivated. I have to keep it up during Thanksgiving break...thankfully I have a great hubby who supports me....plus I have the motivation of seeing my mother in four weeks and I want to be 10 lbs. lighter! I can do it!

Just ignore this post....I'm venting

I give up!!! I'm tired of the working out and missing out on all that good food that I love, just to stay fat and not lose anything! As you can tell, I'm not having a good day. Did you know that I just ate the first peanut butter and jelly sandwich I've had in probably 10 years? My kids have them almost everyday, but me...NO! AHHHH!!!! It's not just that....I keep thinking..I don't eat out, I'm not sitting around eating chips and dip, and greasy foods and desserts and bon bons (I've never even had one before). I'm eating way better and exercising way more than I was 4 months ago and yet, I have gained 15 lbs. since I started dieting and exercising! It's absolutely ridiculous and now I can't train with my PT because we have had a lot of surprise bills come in at us, so we don't have the money to. I am just so mad that I'm going to see my mom for Christmas and I'm just going to get the lecture all weekend on how I'm way too over-weight and I must be eating wrong and how I'm too fat to be teaching dance and BlAh Blah Blah Blah!!!! I'm just done.

-Those of you who know me, know that I won't give up, I'm just having a bad day. Sorry for the venting.

weigh in day

Okay everyone, here is my weigh in.......174!!! I know it's only a pound, but I was so excited to finally lose something!! It's been over a month since I have lost anything and I felt so good! Hopefully I can keep going down! I have to wait until Dec. to really start with my PT due to finances, but this morning I did some of the exercises I did with him and 30 minutes hard on the tredmill....my arms feel like noodles! I love it! Hopefully I can do good this week. I'm really worried about Thanksgiving. I just have to limit myself and stay away from treats. This is where my husband will come in. He will need to keep a close eye on me and make sure I stay active while we are gone. RRRRRR!!!! I feel so good right now. I'm going to need a nap though!

Day 2

I am feeling so good! I worked out yesterday with my PT with Free Weights. I never knew what to do with them, so I always used the machines. Well, you get a much better workout with free weights and I learned that my left arm is so out of shape! I was doing bicep curls and my right arm was fine, but my left could barely finish the reps! I am learning new exercises everyday and I feel great! I'm not even that sore today, just a little stiff.
Today I had a cardio day and I felt muscles twitching that I have never felt before. You know that back part of your thigh, right under your butt? That was going like crazy! I'm glad, because I need it! I have such a ghetto booty! My mom once told me that I was part black. And while I would love to be black and be called Sha'Niqwa (one of my dark secrets), I don't want a ghetto booty. I started my food journal yesterday and that really helped. Jenna* thanks for the calorie counter website. That has helped me become more aware of how many calories I am eating and burning. Size 8, here I come!!!

PT

Okay, so this morning I had a free one-hour evaluation with a personal trainer....I pretty much learned that I am fat...it's okay though, I already knew it! BUT, I also had a fantastic workout and learned how to do some new exercises. I am probably going to sign up with him to get the kick start that I need. Right now, just typing, I can feel my triceps that I worked this morning AND he's a specialist with stomachs, so while I was doing those triceps, my whole core was shaking like crazy! I love it! I realize how much I'm NOT doing at the gym. He's also going to have my keep a food journal. I really think this is really going to help me. I have 40 lbs. I want to lose and I'm going to do it.
I am starting fresh, with a new routine, new attitude, and even more determination! I have to sit and look at myself in the mirrors at the gym and I hate it! I have also been doing Wii Fit and that is amazing! The next time yall see me, I'm going to be trim and beautiful and buff!!!

Another weigh in day

Well, STILL 175!!!! What do I do?????!!!!!!!

I think I really need to kick it up at the gym. I only got to go twice last week and I can't do that. This is 4 weeks now that I have stayed the same and it's ridiculous!!!! I knew if I mentioned the words Personal Trainer, my husband would want me to do it. It's too much money though. Anyone have any other ideas for me to try? I will do just about anything right now. I have GOT to lose this weight.

I had to buy some new pants....I had to buy a size 12. It's disgusting. I promised myself that I would NEVER buy that size! I'm not going to wear them. I'm going to keep them in the sack and I'm NOT going to wear them!!!!! It makes me angry to think that I've let this happen, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I should do the personal trainer for a bit, just to get some help.

Day 38

Sometimes I really have no clue what to write. I had a good day yesterday. Today I didn't make it to the gym because I took a Benadryl last night and it knocked me out...all for nothing too! I still have a stuffy nose! I mostly want to mention what a patient, loving husband I have. He has really been doing a lot for me lately...probably too much. I feel like a bad wife right now. He's been doing laundry, dishes, making breakfast, dinner, making the bed, bathing kids.....am I even here? I have just been in this slump where I don't want to do anything! I'm going to step up my game and get something done today.

Day 36, i think

I have done great the past two days! I've been so busy, I haven't even thought of food! I love it! Didn't go to the gym this morning because I thought it was still closed....it's open now! I did work on Christmas dances and taught 3 hours of classes today, so I think I'm good! I will hit the gym tomorrow! I better see some results this week!!!

Rock bottom

I haven't written over the weekend because I was super busy with Halloween. I didn't write yesterday because I hit rock bottom....weigh in...STILL 175!!! I've decided that I cannot weigh in on Sundays anymore because I was so upset I ended up having to come home from church to take one of my "happy" pills just to make it through the rest of the day. My poor husband. He puts up with so much from me. After my pill kicked in and we had a long talk, Kyle and I decided that I am going to try the Flat Belly diet again, but more religiously. It's a good diet and I did lose while I was on it.
Enough on the negative....this morning my husband found a picture of me after I had Natali...Holy Cow I was SOOOO skinny! I remember I only weighed 130 and I was buff! I was doing step aerobics every morning and running at night. It's my new motivation. I know that I can do it because I have already done it once! The gym was closed today because they are moving locations, so I came home and did Tae Bo. It felt so good! I'm thinking of hitting the gym 3 days a week and the other days just doing step aerobics or Tae Bo, or my Paula Abdul dance workout that I love! I want to do something fun! We'll see how it works and if it makes a difference in my weigh in! As always, pray for me and wish me luck!! (Maybe say a prayer for Kyle too)

Day 31

I DRAGGED myself to the gym this morning! Good grief! I was so tired!!!!! My eyes were all puffy. I taught 2 hours of dance yesterday and I played an hour of volleyball (and won!) and ran around the gym with my kids for an hour! I just fell into bed at 9:30 last night! Do I use ! too much!!???!!!
Today has been great. I've been super busy. Cleaning and doing laundry, babysitting, etc. I feel sore, which means I'm doing something right. Today is Thursday, so I'm waiting for me to mess up at any moment....I have to pray just to make it through Halloween!!! Thankfully my great husband took all of the Halloween candy out of the house! I love him!

Day 30

I finally got my calendar out to find out exactly how many days I've been doing this. It's hard to believe it's day 30! It's a little depressing that it's been that long and I have only lost 5 lbs. BUT, today I'm in a good mood and feeling optimistic...so I'm not going to let it bother me.
I made it to the gym today and I worked it! 30 minutes on the tredmill doing higher inclines every 5 minutes and when I would decrease incline, I increased speed. Then 45 minutes of lower body weights and abs. I really pushed myself on the weights today. It felt so good! I teach dance today with 2 of my favorite classes and we have volleyball tonight. I just can't mess up on my eating and today should really be perfect.
It's been interesting to see who actually has been reading this and the support I have gotten from unexpected people. I know there haven't been any comments from my husband on here, but I know he reads it. It's been a little disappointing to not have a lot of support from my family, but when my mom is in cambodia and my dad is getting ready to move there, I know they are busy. I give thanks everyday for the people in my life who really care about me and want to help me figure out what the heck is going on with my body!!!! THANKS!!!

day, who cares!

Weigh in: STILL 175. I don't know. I know I should be grateful that I didn't gain any, but it makes me say...Why am I killing myself at the gym and missing out on all the delicious foods I love, just to stay the same!?
Sorry it's been a while, we were gone for the weekend. Over the weekend, I did indulge here and there, but nothing gigantic or anything that killed me. I didn't over eat, I didn't eat sweets the entire time either. But, I did start to think of the things I Don't ever eat and it makes me mad that I am not losing weight. Here's my list: I haven't ever made cinnamon rolls for my kids, we don't make cookies or eat cake, I haven't had Apple Crisp in years (my favorite), we don't eat bacon, I don't put mayo or miracle whip(my other favorite) on sandwiches, we don't buy potato chips unless they are baked, we don't have ice cream, I don't buy candy bars EVER! The list can go on, but that's just a sample. I'm just really frustrated today. There is this girl in my ward, now, I know she isn't perfect, but she is just so dang cute and thin and SO super trendy! Her hair is always so cute...even cuter than mine! Sorry Jenna for all of th negative, but it's just so hard. And I just don't get it. I'm not giving up, I'm just venting. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
* Jenna, my work out every day is: 30 minutes HARD on either the Eliptical or tredmill, then I do 45 minutes of lifting weights and abs. I do arms one day then legs the next and so forth. I do abs everyday and kill myself, and then I'm not sore the next day. I would love a personal trainer, but there is no way I'm even going to mention it to Kyle because I know he would say yes and I know we don't have the money for it. I'm just going to keep going. Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming. Although, today I feel like I am drowning!

day 23

Well, nothing really new to say today. I made it to the gym, I've eaten good, taught dance and burned some more calories....I love it! Went grocery shopping for our trip to the cabin tomorrow! I'm so excited because we have some friends that we don't normally hang out with a lot going, so it will be nice to spen some time with them! I'm sorry this is short, but I really don't have anything else to report! Oh, I guess I could write that I started my enzyme that is supposed to help get my metabolism back in shape. I'll have to see if it helps me. Boring!!!!!
Here's my quote for the day " Fesik, are there rocks ahead?" " If there are, we'll all be dead!:

day 22

I only have 6 words for today....Sleeping In Is NOT Worth It!!!
I missed the gym so much and I even knew that I would regret it! It will NOT happen tomorrow!

Day 21

I think it's day 21....I think I've been doing this for 3 weeks now. So, weigh in: still 175. I'm okay with is since #1 at least I didn't gain and #2, it's that time of the month, so I'm extra "heavy" right now. That means that I want to have lost two pounds by next weigh in.
Today I'd rather talk about something other than my weight. I need a spiritual boost today. I have been a total slacker in that area and I know it's something I can't slack off on! My kids need all the help I can give them and I need all the help I can get. So why is it so hard to read scriptures and pray everyday? I'm really going to be pushing myself to make it a priority this week.
Also, I've been playing around with the idea of deleting my facebook account. I'm on the computer WAY too much, but I love being in contact with all of those people that I don't see or talk to on a regular basis... If I can't limit myself, I will delete it. I already got rid of my farmville crap...what a stupid game and what a waste of my time! I am vowing today to be a better mom, a better person, and to use my time more wisely!

Day ????

Anyone know what day I'm on? I can't remember right now...probably 17? I don't know. Anyway, I made it through Thursday and today has been great. I went and had a Blood Analysis done and found out that my Metabolism sucks when it comes to Carbs....that's why i'm having such a hard time losing weight! I ordered some "magic" all-natural enzyms that will help. I was gauranteed that I would lose weight with these and it will help my metabolism get better. All really good news! I also have a b12 definciency(? you know what I mean!) and that is why I am tired! Load me up so I can start being healthy and happy again! Well, I am off to go out to dinner with my mother and brother -in-law...I have eaten light today so that I can eat normal tonight. I'm excited about weigh in, but always a little nervous.

* Positive for the day: My hubby pointed out that if I lose one pound every week for my entire year, I will have lost 52 lbs.! It looks better if you look at the long-run than just as "only" one lb. Thanks honey for the support!

another Thursday

And actually, it's been a great start to another Thursday. But let's visit yesterday first.....
No Gym. WAY too much lunch, so I skipped dinner. I actually wasn't even hungry for dinner. I just made a stupid mistake that SO wasn't even worth it! SO, this morning I "used the force" to get myself out of bed, while I was yelling "I don't want to go!" and I drug myself to the gym and I worked double time to make up for yesterday. I have a lot to do today, so this is going to be short, but the point is....I am going to make it through today because I know I can. I know it is worth it, and yesterday was NOT!

Day 15

Today I killed it at the gym and now I am super tired! I read that the way to really lose weight is to so more strength training. SO, I cut back to only 30 minutes on the Eliptical and then I did 45 minutes of weights and abs....by 9:30 a.m. I was passed out on my bed! It felt really good though. There were these two women that always come into the gym right when I am heading over to do Abs and they always take over the whole area. Well, today I just moved their stuff and went on my way while they were both just sitting there talking. I felt so great that I was actually doing something. They made all of that effort to get to the gym (an hour later than I get there and they always act like it's "so early") and then they did nothing! I felt like kicking their butts into gear! I really should be a personal trainer or something. It helps to motivate me.
I have Visiting Day for my dance classes today....I have already had one class and I am worn out! One little girl wet her pants in the middle of class, so then she had to leave. 4 other girls claimed they had to go potty and I "gently" reminded the parents that they need to go before class. Then we had so many people come, there wasn't enough room and their little kids were everywhere!!!! This is why I do not let parents come every week and after today, we might not have visiting day EVER AGAIN!!!!
Sorry, that was my rant and it did have to do with my weight loss. I work so much harder in dance when parents are there so I think I will burn a lot more calories today! Yeah! Peace out my faithful followers!(a.k.a. Jenna!)

Weigh in-Day 14

Okay, here is the second weigh in.....175. I'm down another lb.! Not bad. Whoever said "slow and steady wins the race" was obviously not overweight. I'm glad that I am losing instead of gaining though. I actually had a good weekend. I didn't completely resist treats this weekend, but I was totally in control of it though. I only allowed a little snack here and there and I actually felt like I did a lot better than normal. I made it to the gym this morning...which is always a miracle! I won't be going tomorrow because tomorrow is Temple day for my hubby, so I will try to exercise on my own. I am going to make a few more minor adjustments to my eating to see if this week I can lose more than just one pound.

Day 13

I"M HUNGRY!!!!!!!!

Friday...day 12?

Wow, I can't keep track of how many days it's been! So, my sister-in-law told me that I need to be more positive and write something good that I did. I hate saying good things about myself, but here it goes: Last night at the birthday party, I had a big slice of Oreo Cookie Ice Cream Cake on my plate......Kathryn ended up eating the entire thing! I was going for another piece when I changed my mind and had an apple instead. Hurray! I really felt good that I had made a good choice. This morning I was on my way out the door to the gym, but Kyle decided he needed me home instead ;). It's okay though, because I have really deep cleaned my entire upstairs all day! I got my exercise and I've been too busy to even think of food. I love days like this!
Something else that I like about myself...my hair! I have great hair! That's about all I can handle saying about myself for today. I'm excited that I've made it through Thursday and now Friday. Tomorrow is another busy day and hopefully I can get through it too!

THURSDAY!

Okay, so today is thursday and it's already no going so well. I didn't go to the gym because I was having stomach cramps last night and I was dead tired this morning. AND I've already eaten quite a bit this morning. I can fix this though. I just won't eat anything until dinner tonight, unless it's fruit. Plus, I'm going to exercise and stretch right now. I have to make it through today! We are going to a b-day party tonight...No cake or ice cream for me! I'm going to do it. I am worth it.
I was watching my 7 year old get dressed this morning. She is a twig! She is so skinny! She looks great in everything she wears and she can wear anything! That's how I want to be! I know I won't ever be a twig, but I want to be skinny enough that I have more options than just a baggy t-shirt and jeans. I'm going to do it! Wish me luck!!

Day 10?

I'm losing track of what day I am on. Anyway, I made it to the gym and I feel great! It's getting closer to Thursday so I need to be extra careful. Exercising=A- Eating= B+ Confidence=A++
I really could do better on my eating, but I also feel like I've been doing a lot better. That's just it. I don't have ice cream everynight like I used to, I haven't had treats everyday; I've been exercising; what am I doing that's keeping me from losing weight? I really think it's the thursday - sundays that are killing me. I need to be good this week and see if it pays off. Can I do it? I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can!!

Weigh in day

Day 8 is starting out great. Well, not as great as I would have liked, but I'll take it. I lost 1 pound this morning. Better than gaining! I hit the gym pretty hard this morning, but I could have done more. Tomorrow I'm going to really let my getto booty have it! Well, I have a lot to do today, so I will write more later.

Day 7

Well, what can I say....I hate the weekends!!! Why is it that I can do so good Mon-Wed and then as soon as Thursday hits, I tank! Thursday was okay, Friday was a little better, but Saturday I did bad!! I totally cheated and had treats....do I feel good? NO! Was it worth it? NO!!! A big Hell No! I had girls' night and then we were home for conference and I really have no excuses! I am better than this! I AM BETTER THAN THIS! I had even been feeling really good. I have to weigh in tomorrow and I just don't want to because I know there won't be any change...or I might have gained weight!! That's even worse!!! Somebody just grab a hammer and hit me over the head!
Okay, I'm done venting. I really want to know why I can't make it past Thursday. I'm on a mission to figure this out. Stay tuned for my discoveries and for my remedies.
Does anyone even read this?? I'm not sure anyone does, but I'm going to keep talking. If you have any ideas how I can beat my Thursday hiccups, let me know!!! I'll see you tomorrow for my weigh in...pray for me!!

Day 4

I know you are saying...what happened to day 3?? I'm asking myself the same question!!! Yesterday went so fast and I was so busy, I didn't have time to write anything! I can say that I made it to the gym ontime and really killed myself! I also ate good and went to bed at 9:30! My poor husband must feel like he doesn't have a wife anymore!
This morning I got up at 4 and went to the temple. I need that more than anything. I know that I sacrificed a day of the gym to go, but I will be blessed. It was fun going with Missy. She is such a good friend and I am thankful for her good example and for her support. Today my kids don't have any school and I am going to make rice krispie treats.....I am NOT going to eat any! I know that they aren't worth it! Just since monday, I can tell that I have lost weight and I feel so good! I won't weigh in again until next monday, so we will have to see if I'm just imagining it...

Day 2

When I logged on to my blog just now, the Quote from Darth was "You should not have come back" It was perfect! It just makes me want to keep coming back just to make him mad!=)
Today was good. I made it to the gym 15 minutes late...problem with the alarm clock, I did 20 minutes of just abs and it killed. I've eaten pretty good today and I'm feeling good and sore. I had more incentive today by being told by my mother that the new shoes I bought last night (so cute I think I might sleep with them tonight!) are too high and they are going to make my butt look even bigger. I'm not quite sure how that works..... Anyway, I'm going to hit the gym on time tomorrow and work even harder! I haven't even wanted to cheat and eat sweets, which is a good sign. Well, this is short today because it is the last beautiful day we are going to have for the next 6 months, so I better get outside with my girls and enjoy it!

Darth Vadar Quotes

To explain why the Darth Vadar Quotes on my blog, First: My husband loves Star Wars, so I did it for him. Second, if you really read them and apply them to my situation, they really are perfect. I will not give in to the dark side any longer! You are Not my father!

Day 1

Hurray! I made it to the gym this morning! Thank you honey for literally pushing me out of bed! I weighed in this morning and I am back down to 177. I'll take it and now my new goal for the week is 174. So far I have eaten really good, but right now is my hardest time. I'm going to finish my drink and then put a piece of gum in and head to the park with the kids so I won't be home! I know I can do this!

REAL Day 1 starts tomorrow

Okay people...it's time to get real. It's time to face facts....I"M FAT! This weekend has been my final fling and I can tell you that it was NOT worth it. It never is. Why do I continue to do this to myself? In Genesis we are told that Satan will have power to bruise our heels, but we shall have power to Crush His Head! I love it! Satan truly has been working double time on me and I have been giving in. I'm not going to give hime power over me anymore. I truly believe that I have an addiction to eating and that it is a weakness. My only hope is that I know Heavenly Father won't allow me to be tempted with anything I cannot overcome! I love my family and My Heavenly Father....but I also need to love me. I can do this. This weeks goal:
Lose 3 lbs.
Go to the gym everyday for at least an hour
Think good thoughts
NOT ONE SWEET!!!!
I Know I can Do IT!!!
I Am Worth It!!!

Day 1

Well, so far, not so good. I really should have waited until Monday to start...I know, it's an awful excuse, but I'm going to have to use it today. I've been so busy with my studio, finishing the basement, and taking care of all my kids, that I haven't gone to the gym in two weeks! I am commiting to making it there everyday next week! My friend Missy joined with me and we are both so disgusted that we haven't been in so long! I had been feeling so good too! I actually had to take an anti-depressent today because yesterday I was "not myself". It's been about 3 weeks since I have had to take one. I know that exercise really helps you feel better about yourself....it's just getting my big fat BUTT out of bed!!! To try to make up for it, I have deep cleaned my entire house today and I took the kids to the park and I went to pick our carpet for our basement. I think we will go for a family bike ride tonight. That way I don't feel like I have completely wasted my day.

Why am I doing this?

I am probably one of thousands who went to the movie theatre and saw the movie "Julie and Julia"....Loved it!!! First of all, I loved Meryll as Juilia Childs. She was fantastic!!! Second, I was totally inspired! At the time of the movie, I had currently been diagnosed with moderate to severe depression, which I blame my weight for. Let me give you a look into my "weighty" history!
High School is when I really started gaining weight. I love to dance and by my junior year, I realized that kids were making fun of me because of my weight. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a social outcast because of it, but I did have to wear leotards and dance infront of my entire school....approx. 3,000 students! My mom helped me and we joined Weight Watchers and I dropped 20 lbs.! In college, I was determined to keep it off! I taught aerobics and walked everywhere! I can proudly say I didn't gain one pound! I got married at the ripe old age of 18! I know, I was very young. But the love of my life came and everything fell into place. Ofcourse, I gained the "just married" 10 lbs. because my husband could eat anything and not gain an ounce, but quickly got it off by exercising 2 hours a day!
Not long after the wedding, I found out I was expecting! Hurray! I did so good and only gained the recommended 30 lbs. and in the first week after I delivered my first baby girl, I had dropped 20 lbs! The last 10 lbs hung on for dear life! We moved away from my family and I continued to keep that 10 lbs. hanging around. I got invited to join a group of women from the neighborhood to exercise with them in the mornings. My loving husband literally shoved me out of bed every morning, until I became obsessed with it! I did that for a year and had another baby and I am proud to say that I only gained 19 lbs. with my second little girl and afterwords I had lost the 10 lbs. from earlier and another 10! I was smokin hot! I was in the best shape of my life and I loved it! I could play with my kids, I could play with my husband! I felt fantastic!
There is one other thing you should know. I am completely addicted to sugar in any form! Especially cookies! Well, all during that year of exercise I didn't touch a single cookie, ice cream cone, licorice, NOTHING! Alas, one day, we were invited to a friends house and I was asked to bring dessert. I can still tell you what I made! I made chocolate cup cakes, with a cream cheese and chocolate chip filling.....mmmmmmm......ooooooohhhhh!!! I had now turned to the dark side! I very quickly ate my way back up 10 lbs. I was still only 140 (oh, I'm 5'3"), so it wasn't too big of a deal. I had baby girl #3 and lost all of my baby weight.
Then the next move is what did me in. I started working at a pharmacy and the candy counter was right next to me. I'd "forget" to pack a lunch, so I would just "have" to have some candy because "anything was better than nothing" I would tell myself. I also started hanging out with my best friend who lived just down the street and can also eat anything without gaining a lb. and she loves to bake! I was still exercising, but I slowly gained 30 lbs! It was awful! My self-esteem slowly went down the drain.
I am getting to the end of my tale. My parents decided to serve a mission for our church and they got called to Cambodia! My family and I moved into their home while they were gone. I started Weight Watchers on my own and I lost almost 15 lbs. just in-time to find out I was expecting little girl #4. My husbands job was not going well and there was a lot of stress. We ended up moving again and I got really sick. I still only gained the 30 lbs., but now that she is almost 18 months.... I still weigh the same as the day I delivered her!
We lived in a small 3 bedroom apartment with 4 kids, My husband was working a lot PLUS he started building us our first house, then I went to cambodia with my baby to pick my parents up from their mission, etc. etc. etc.
So there I was, sitting on the doctors table, being told that I needed to lose weight and start taking anti-depressants. So, I joined a gym and took my pills. I have made other changes in my life. I built a dance studio in my basement so that I can teach my little girls dance and make a little extra money. That has helped me a lot. I am still 177 lbs. and I am tired of not progressing. So here I am. I am going to weigh in every Monday and write my feelings and you all get to just sit and take it! I am also vowing to not eat one single "treat" for a year and to go to the gym 6 days a week for atleast an hour. Hopefully someone starts reading this so that I will actually be accountable for my actions!

Okay world..........Here I am! This is me and my husband on our first vacation without the kids in 8 years! It is the only picture of me on the whole trip. I DO NOT let people take pictures of me!! This picture makes me want to vomit!

Weigh in: 177