Why am I doing this?

I am probably one of thousands who went to the movie theatre and saw the movie "Julie and Julia"....Loved it!!! First of all, I loved Meryll as Juilia Childs. She was fantastic!!! Second, I was totally inspired! At the time of the movie, I had currently been diagnosed with moderate to severe depression, which I blame my weight for. Let me give you a look into my "weighty" history!
High School is when I really started gaining weight. I love to dance and by my junior year, I realized that kids were making fun of me because of my weight. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a social outcast because of it, but I did have to wear leotards and dance infront of my entire school....approx. 3,000 students! My mom helped me and we joined Weight Watchers and I dropped 20 lbs.! In college, I was determined to keep it off! I taught aerobics and walked everywhere! I can proudly say I didn't gain one pound! I got married at the ripe old age of 18! I know, I was very young. But the love of my life came and everything fell into place. Ofcourse, I gained the "just married" 10 lbs. because my husband could eat anything and not gain an ounce, but quickly got it off by exercising 2 hours a day!
Not long after the wedding, I found out I was expecting! Hurray! I did so good and only gained the recommended 30 lbs. and in the first week after I delivered my first baby girl, I had dropped 20 lbs! The last 10 lbs hung on for dear life! We moved away from my family and I continued to keep that 10 lbs. hanging around. I got invited to join a group of women from the neighborhood to exercise with them in the mornings. My loving husband literally shoved me out of bed every morning, until I became obsessed with it! I did that for a year and had another baby and I am proud to say that I only gained 19 lbs. with my second little girl and afterwords I had lost the 10 lbs. from earlier and another 10! I was smokin hot! I was in the best shape of my life and I loved it! I could play with my kids, I could play with my husband! I felt fantastic!
There is one other thing you should know. I am completely addicted to sugar in any form! Especially cookies! Well, all during that year of exercise I didn't touch a single cookie, ice cream cone, licorice, NOTHING! Alas, one day, we were invited to a friends house and I was asked to bring dessert. I can still tell you what I made! I made chocolate cup cakes, with a cream cheese and chocolate chip filling.....mmmmmmm......ooooooohhhhh!!! I had now turned to the dark side! I very quickly ate my way back up 10 lbs. I was still only 140 (oh, I'm 5'3"), so it wasn't too big of a deal. I had baby girl #3 and lost all of my baby weight.
Then the next move is what did me in. I started working at a pharmacy and the candy counter was right next to me. I'd "forget" to pack a lunch, so I would just "have" to have some candy because "anything was better than nothing" I would tell myself. I also started hanging out with my best friend who lived just down the street and can also eat anything without gaining a lb. and she loves to bake! I was still exercising, but I slowly gained 30 lbs! It was awful! My self-esteem slowly went down the drain.
I am getting to the end of my tale. My parents decided to serve a mission for our church and they got called to Cambodia! My family and I moved into their home while they were gone. I started Weight Watchers on my own and I lost almost 15 lbs. just in-time to find out I was expecting little girl #4. My husbands job was not going well and there was a lot of stress. We ended up moving again and I got really sick. I still only gained the 30 lbs., but now that she is almost 18 months.... I still weigh the same as the day I delivered her!
We lived in a small 3 bedroom apartment with 4 kids, My husband was working a lot PLUS he started building us our first house, then I went to cambodia with my baby to pick my parents up from their mission, etc. etc. etc.
So there I was, sitting on the doctors table, being told that I needed to lose weight and start taking anti-depressants. So, I joined a gym and took my pills. I have made other changes in my life. I built a dance studio in my basement so that I can teach my little girls dance and make a little extra money. That has helped me a lot. I am still 177 lbs. and I am tired of not progressing. So here I am. I am going to weigh in every Monday and write my feelings and you all get to just sit and take it! I am also vowing to not eat one single "treat" for a year and to go to the gym 6 days a week for atleast an hour. Hopefully someone starts reading this so that I will actually be accountable for my actions!